I've just realized this when I was writing, but being a pretender is actually an interesting way of living. The definition of a pretender is someone who hides his or her own emotions, and showing another one instead to cope with the current situation around him or her.
While some people think that showing the true self is important, and there are few who are able to do so, being a pretender is actually interesting because there are so many who do so.
Being a pretender means you hide your true self, and the fake one shows up. When you pretend too much, like me, this other person consumes your true self, and the next thing you know, you've lost yourself, and you became this someone else. Others might not be able to perceive though, it's this person they usually see anyway.
It might just be an evolution of the self, but me personally, I start to think the old me was gone. That jealous, zealous, oh-the-entire-world-is-a-trash-can boy. I start to keep all those madness, those words wanting so bad to be shouted out. I know they wouldn't be heard, or they would just be understood, or they'd make me look like a bad guy, so I start keeping them inside.
Oh well, it's not like my emotions really mattered, right? As long as I can make myself look better with this outstretched patience, I'd still be able to take pride in myself.
Isn't that the only thing important?